Letting Go of Christmas

This time of year always brings on mixed emotions. It's often times bitter sweet. I absolutely love Christmas... just love it. I love when stores begin to pull out their outrageous decorations. I love the jingling of Santa's bells. I love the tradition of picking out a tree and decorating it together as family. I love decorating my house and playing Christmas music. I love baking and eating lots of Christmas goodies. I love shopping and giving gifts to loved ones. I love the notion of Santa Claus and the magical feeling that's in the air. I even love the cheesy Hallmark holiday movies and the classic Rudolph, the Grinch, and Frosty. 

Christmas was such a wonderful experience for me growing up. I have to admit, it's hard on me at times. I still have childlike feelings inside and become giddy with excitement just thinking about everything Christmas means to me. I was truly blessed having so many memories that I still hold dear to my heart. I am truly excited to continue these traditions with my boys, especially the older they get. Brode was able to enjoy several of them this year and that melted my Mother's heart. 

I'm a little emotional today. I'm trying to decide whether or not to take down my decorations and move on. Because we decided to spend Christmas with family in Nebraska this year, we were unable to spend it together in our own house. Call me silly, but I want my boys to wake up in their own beds and walk down our stairs, giddy with glee because Santa filled their stockings. It's just not the same, celebrating the big day a week later. I feel it in my heart that it's already come and gone. 

Now please don't get me wrong. We loved - absolutely LOVED - going home for the holidays and we enjoyed our time with family and friends. We wouldn't have changed it. We made memories there, too, and enjoyed similar traditions. I guess there's just a childlike part of me that doesn't want to let Christmas go. The feelings it brings. The traditions. It's such a wonderful time of year for me and I guess I feel saddened today knowing it's over and we have to move on. I can't pretend it's still here. The music isn't the same. The goodies are gone. The excitement is gone. I usually just choose to pack up shop and move forward. But today... something is just holding me back. I can't do it yet. I just can't for some reason. 

Maybe I miss Christmas already. Maybe I miss home and family. I know I'll miss having Andrew around all day. I struggle with the idea of choosing between my family back home or celebrating Christmas with my own family here. I don't always enjoy change. It's hard. Maybe I'm just not ready for it. My heart will move on and Christmas will come again. So for right now, I'll just enjoy today with my family. I'll enjoy the lights, the remaining days of our decor, and then I'll simply move on.